Photo Blurb: Blake Excellency Resort

It's hard to write about Blake Excellency Resort. I can't even think where to begin. Do I start with its name? Blake Excellency Resort: even I have to admit that it's ingenious. It's very unlike other Nigerian establishment names that are clearly just two names smooshed together into an empty moniker that sounds very much like household cleaner: Hensol, Remdan, etc., etc. Whoever named it (I like to imagine that he is a sharp-minded, money-miss-road type named Chuks, who always wears a hat and carries a very large, elaborately carved walking stick that he doesn't need) was clever enough to call his joint a resort, invoking visions of cool breezes, impeccable service, and a relaxing atmosphere. You don't get any of this at Blake Excellency Resort, but when you hear that there's an outdoor nightclub with a live band named Blake Excellency Resort, you don't ask questions. You just go. Besides, it's got the word "excellency" right there in the middle. It's risky business to assume that anything in Nigeria that claims to be excellent actually is, but still, I found myself powerfully drawn to this place with the funny name.

The first thing I noticed when I got out of SK's car at Blake's was that I was over-dressed. My friends are very aware that dressing up for any occasion tends to be difficult for me because I can't put in the "necessary" effort to look dolled-up for anyone. These days, I consider myself dressed-up when I pin up my hair and slap on some shiny lip-gloss. But because I was in Nigeria, where effyzie levels are high, I decided to don red stilettos and a wide red belt over my black T and jeans. As far as I was concerned, I'd still be underdressed by Nigerian standards, but at least I wouldn't stand out and subsequently be forced to deal with my shyness by drinking heavily all night. However, seeing the folks at Blake, I was momentarily confused as it dawned on me that this was a different kind of crowd altogether. So I compromised: I took off my red belt. I knew that this was going to be an experience, but I was in no way prepared for what I got.

Blake Resort, Blake Resort, Blake Excellency Resort. I really have no words. From the band which played Lionel Richie and Kool and the Gang songs to the dancers who did marvelous things with their jelly-like waists; from the horrible Igbo performing duo just in from some country in eastern Europe to the plastered expatriates from Italy, Brazil, England and America who could not help flailing their limbs wildly to anything the band played, particularly when they could "dance" with a Nigerian P.Y.T., I spent most of the night alternating between picking up my jaw, applauding things no one else seemed to think were remarkable, boo-ing the Igbo duo, and taking pictures. Four hours flew by and I didn't even realize until it was 3:45am and I was literally using my forefingers to prop open my eyelids.

I'm infinitely grateful to SK, Mo and RD for giving me this night. It was the first time I had fun in Abuja, and it preempted the best time I've had in Nigeria since high school. Highlights include: the band playing this song that no one except the songwriter has ever known the words to (which meant that they were all chewing their mouths for at least a minute - great fun); the Fela impersonator with the money-stuffed panties that stripped so quickly as to inspire one drunken audience member to do the same; the white Brazilian chick who gave the band dancers a run for their bootylicious ass-gyrating money; the hilarious post-show comedians who kept following the Brazilian chick around, asking her to marry them, and to "sheck her blood well" for Nigerian traces; the "after-party" which consisted of a Fuji singer praising a married man in the audience who has a reputation for only maintaining affairs with other married women in Abuja and was dancing with about three of them; the band member who politely chopped the N500 I gave him to play Osadebe's "Onuigbo" for me, despite repeated harassment from me and SK; and the very obvious homosexual behavior of many of the audience members. This isn't a judgment against them; I just found it extremely interesting that Nigerian homos now feel comfortable enough to display their "forbidden behaviors" in public. Look out for our first gay parade! I will so be there!

Some of my pictures are below. No videos, though, because the sync problem is annoying me. Have a good week!

Just one quadrant of Blake's. It extends way into the background, there's a balcony area, and the enormous courtyard outside with the suya men easily seats about a hundred people as well. The sea of cars outside the gate is unparalleled in Nigeria except in front of churches. Oh, and we sang church songs at Blake as well. I told you, the place is amazing. You must all go!

The Fela impersonator, post-strip, pre-stuffing

Being stuffed by an audience member

Talk about a moneybag

The audience member he inspired, pre-inspiration...

...and after.

You didn't see that well enough. Here's the money shot.

The comedians went on and on about his ass, too. They warned him to take it easy, "make e no come tomorrow, open front for us, de dance!"