Sunday, March 18, 2007

The Beginning of the End

I was cross-legged on my couch, half-watching Bridget Jones's Diary 2, half-writing my thesis when I found the loose end of some elastic from the waistband of my underwear. I yanked at it sharply, hoping to break it off and in so doing preserve the integrity of my panties, when I felt it shift a little on my right hip. It was a slightly pleasant sensation, so I kept pulling. As the springy length of string slithered around my waist, I was absent-mindedly intrigued. But the moment the other end snapped against my right palm, I was stung by an epiphany: I can't stop playing around.

We've all been here, more of us than I'd previously imagined. We claim to need the adrenaline rush that is associated with pressure to get our work done. When the work itself does not inspire excitement or the heart palpitations we need, we take matters - and time - into our own hands. We sit back and do nothing but cross days off the calendar, days that could potentially have been spent doing good work, days that would have added up to leisurely reward for a job well done. We tick off those days, and in the meantime we watch TV, write meaningless blogs, have meaningless conversations and attend meaningless parties (if you live in New Haven, you just sit at home and drink beer alone). To the uninitiated observer, we are merely wasting time. But those who have been anointed into the inner circle know that this is merely the ritual, preparation for a time when we will attempt to cram three months' work into the two weeks we have left. We will curse, we will cry, we will not sleep and we will not bathe. We will make false promises never to inflict this punishment on ourselves again, and our ids will snigger, knowing that we will certainly, inevitably fail.

Why, God, am I on Blogger? At least 30 single-spaced pages to go, and I'm only on page 2. It's taken me two days to get here, and I only have 10 days left. This is my thesis. The key to the end of my miserable existence in New Haven and I'm on Blogger. I am dead.

15 comments:

Jeremy said...

aahhh procrastination, I know it too well. I wrote my 80k word Phd thesis in about 6 weeks. The only thing to do is go for a walk. It is lack of motion that stifles the drive to write, I'm convinced. Although perhaps New Haven is a little cold at this time of year?

kulutempa said...

ep, why are you so weird? you have no blog, you have no profile - you're like a shark, silently, mysteriously, gliding through the blogosphere, stopping only now and again to feast on the tasty morsels of other people's lives. weirdo. what's even more weird is that you have a third as many profile views as i do and you don't even have a profile! you've beat the system. fucker.

uknaija said...

Hey, welcome back. Tell me about procrastination. I have gone on time management courses o, all the works, but still end up doing all my work twenty four hours to deadline...I tire for myself...good luck with the dissertation

Anonymous said...

lol... there's no cure

Anonymous said...

lol! we could possibly all write a book about procrastination. I'm working on not being so much of one, but its just one of those habits that I love and hate at the same time. Like ONB said, I bet theres no cure...good luck on your thesis

Anonymous said...

eh kulu, come lets go to half-price martinis wednesday night at hot tomatoes and exchange notes about procrastinating on the thesis(es) that will release us from the grip of the Have. I've been here much longer than you, you'd think that was inspiration....

omo, i am clearly deader than you especially since i spent my afternoon sending out graduation notices (and this evening writing blog comments)even though i need to finish this bloody T in two weeks to actually graduate!!! i have no sense.

oo

kulutempa said...

oo, i am way ahead of you; i've made plans to go and drink hell out of those martinis, claiming that the alcohol will release pearls of wisdom that i didn't know i have! but wait, so you mean to tell me that you've been here all this time and we've never met?! that's kinda effed, mayn...

Anonymous said...

Ewooooo, Eyah! Pele dear! Ndo, Inno. Lol, don't worry you will get over this hump. The way I see it, the brain is nto ready tow rok so why waste time staring on a piece of paper when i can do something else.
I trust you, by the 9th day and a half, your thesis would be done.

Uzo said...

Well i can say i have been in the same boat. Doing everything but what needs to be done...It will get done though right?

Anonymous said...

you're fucked.

Anonymous said...

My God! For an instant I thought I stepped out of my skin and wrote that blog...Yes, on sunday night around the same time I was lying on my bed half writing my thesis, half watching bridget Jones. I have to present my paper of April 12, I have to turn in a finished draft to my advisor on wednesday, and all I have is 1/2 a page and some tables for apendix. How could I have done this to myself??? I don't know, I'll never know...what I do know is that I'll do it again...God I do have to graduate.

Thanks a lot Kulu...really therapeutic.

Talatu-Carmen said...

how can there be this many people who write their theses in the exact same way? Is this how ALL scholarship is accomplished? i thought i was the only one who procrastinated this badly until i started reading your blog... Good luck! my thesis defense is coming up in two weeks and i am convinced that my advisor will SLAUGHTER me in the defense. i've been trying to hide from him ever since i turned it in. In the meantime I have about four other papers to turn in by the end of the semester, and i don't seem to be capable of working on them until those last two weeks which you describe so well....

anyway, shah, good luck.

Omodudu said...

Great writing skills uhn! I do not know if this is the right place to put this but hey. When you do the new post thing, instead of pasting the code directly change the tab to html (top right corner of the new post dialog box)Then paste the codes there. Voila!

Anonymous said...
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Dami said...

same here!! ive got three weeks off to revise for my exams but hey im on blogger day in day out!