Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Short Gist: Oga Landlord Strikes Again

See trouble o! My landlord has promoted himself from part-time stalker to petty thief. Last week, he brought plumber to install heat in my bathroom. I left them in the apartment and went to class. I came back, didn't notice anything out of order. Next morning, getting ready to take my shower, I couldn't find my shower cap. I thought maybe they moved it somewhere. Turned my bathroom and bedroom upside down looking for it - nada. Figured the plumber ripped it and threw it away or something, but the least he could have done was tell me, right? No matter. I bought a new shower cap. Life went on.

Yesterday, Oga Landlord brought electrician to fix some problems my neighbors and I have been having. We were in the living room most of the time, but they had to go through my bedroom once to get to the basement (it's an interesting layout). Didn't take more than a minute, I didn't leave the living room because I didn't think I had to. They did their work, they left. At midnight, I was getting ready for bed - and I couldn't find my headtie. Again, ransacking the bedroom, living room, kitchen and bathroom to find it, including garbage cans in case I was just mad enough during the day to throw away my favorite 10-year-old headtie. Again, nada. All I could think about was the email he had sent me just moments before telling me how attractive African women are to him and why he just loves them so much - they're so smart, and beautiful, with great family values and most of them are virgins until they get married (I don't know where he got that gist from sha, but whatever).

This isn't like the time I ate oatmeal and forgot that I put the bowl in the sink, so I thought someone broke in - to eat my food...how retarded was that?? Anyway, this isn't like that. The man is taking my shit. He's probably sniffing on my headtie right now, wanking to the sweet smell of my perfumed oil that is now permanently embedded in the thing. WHY WOULD HE TAKE MY SCARF??? I stole that scarf from my Gubsie years ago; it means a lot to me. I'm so irritated, and now very paranoid. I slept with a chair against my front door last night. Even though the chair has wheels and won't do shit if there is ever an intrusion. Suffice it to say, it didn't make me feel safer. I hope I'm wrong and the scarf just turns up somewhere I didn't think to look...like behind the ceiling tiles. So annoyed.

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

dont be so rash, he probably jus needed a showercap and a headtie. he jus borrowed em..

(please dont take em back even if he does return em. GROSSSSS!!)

NaijaBloke said...

Hahahahaha ..Kulu ..u been think the guy go give up easily.Where u been say the guy from again sef?maybe the guy dan send am to do love juju for ya now ..

Oga landlord is really digging u scather o ..LOL

kulutempa said...

na italian guy o, and you know as them like dudu woman die! yesterday, i been de wonder whether one of im senegalese babe them tell am say make e bring my load for juju. hm, if i start to write romance stories about him, make una bring pastor and anointing oil for me o!

Anonymous said...

Hmmmmm, na wa o!!! Eyah Pele Inno, maybe he just wants you so much and since he can't have you, he just wanted a memorabilia!! Either that or you will soon find your scarf. It could also have been the electrician or plumber too..you neva know, maybe they were feeling you too.

kulutempa said...

sickos, all of them

Anonymous said...

e be like say i have to look inside a hyena's belly to see wats goin on round ur ends. interestin story sha...u never said u remembered eatin that bowl of oatmeal tho. ez

Anonymous said...

my dear is time for you to gerrout of that place before we start hearing stories abeg.

Uzo said...

Are you for real? LOL. Are you sure u didnt just misplace your scarf?

kulutempa said...

misplace how? the guy has fapped my thing o! for YEARS, i have always taken off the scarf and just laid it on my bed for easy access the following night. suddenly, it was nowhere to be found. ole! and his emails are getting more and more weird. barawo! lol...

NaijaBloke said...

U did not mention his emails ... so he has been intensifying is undying luv for u ...LOL

Like Adaure said ... u berra be thinking of removing ya sef unless u dan start to dey learn gidigbo,Judo,Taekwondo join with kick boxing cos with ur description of the guy ..u will sure need all those skills to tackle him ...